Starry Cove

sian

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 10:35:23 GMT

dunno y ( or mayb i know y ) i am s sian these days. realised there is no one to tok aspirations to or I have been too bury myselfnd quiet these times. Wan to try more daring things but no one there. like frens all or mayb w parents too much then to communicate i hv to resontes at there level. Its all abt managing pplp ard me but I am sick of managing. why is it i have the silent scream but pplp ard me do not wan to hear me out? yet some pplp come near me cos they jus wan to discover st interesting abt me , like thieves , not sharing . And I am not even sure if those that claims to be frens with me are really frens cos they claim they noe me but actually they dun. cos i am constantly developing , growing changing but they dunlike the growth and they keep saying this growth is good enough for me an trying to define me, so when I am with them I feel painful cos this is not who I am ..so ended up ding lots of thing via duty andno wih a geninue dese to help or do anything. perphas some unscruplous pplp - those ard me - can see my paid and desire for human contact or confidence and so they bank on that and exploit , keeping me under their uses , control - see the word -keeping under control rather than respect as a fren. or praise so backt family who I need to manage and yet i mus slow my brain frequency so I can see what they are doing. I no longer enjoy myself. I guess what u throw out the universe the universe has certain outcome for you. Even when I am quiet and do not offend pplp - there will be people who will TAKE ADV and try to push and increase and see wat they can do . cos its not difficult for sth to do bad things all it need to do is be inmoral ,I have to be careful with people and be assertive and confident and make my stand I can still be progressive but I will be assertive. Even being inconident is a sin to yourself. why shld I place so much power in the hads r other people, theirbehavior and their pre concepions of you ?

vie d'amour

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:34:03 GMT

sun.. went church spent the evening sleping away b4 waking up to buy a pack of ruffles , ruffles craving acting up agn.. and now here i am blogging.

Ydya went to the cathay to watch moive - i booked forbidden kingdom but ws told thaty I had booked this at orchard cineleisure .sigh.. ended up watching definately maybe ..not particularly interesting, knew that the guy will end up w april but jus dun understand hw a guy think, those he likes most , he will not say. I was so afraid for april , found myself whispherng to her in my heart - not to give ur heart ..u will hurt real bad,i guess it is kind of reflective of myself and my experience. when the guy tod her that he kept her book she's been finding for so many yrs cos its the only conection has w her it was touching and yet stupid cos how can u hurt her so much cos the book is so impt to her. Hand he jus retrieving it fro on old box together w other things, why why why why ...stupid man stupid

hearing and listening to inspirational talk are nothing if u dun act em out . I shall do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. philippian 4:21. the magic words are "do " and "strengthen". I have to do first then He can strengthen me.

made a promise to myself that I will start planning my wkend and sat on wed and will be on the lookout for interesting and new things, if there is one i will create and organise one and it will be a range of activities and get pplp together and do things pplp can do together. and also shelf and place my studying , skill honing together with this exciting , busy and yet serious schedule of mine. COnstant reiewing and assessment is normal and I must be willing to take new fresh look at myself. I mus grw by leaps and bounds internally as a person. I mus be a person of substance. and i will be interesting and real

nxt sat maybe will go pulau ubin/bintan or organise kelong fishing trip recm by ..my collg, think dad will love fishing ..k

lookin forward to my new and exciting life
My enery level will b awesomely high and my wits and words will be razor witty srap and funn as said " being funny is a v serious business"

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:46:47 GMT

TOday is another work day , just work work work . Been seeing the web for my melbourne trip. THink i need to borrow frommer's guide fr library and I got my bro to do some planning for myself. My tummy been showing and there's fats behind my bum (oh no) cos I hv been on my seat for long hours and not been to the gym. Mus go gym! Been hungry lately and been eating supper. Need to practise sleeping early .

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:51:19 GMT

planning my long awaited trip to australia. Yeah!

I really like s.h.e songs

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:50:17 GMT

who cares i they are young. I just like their songs. it soothing

Writer's Block: If at first you don't succeed...

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 19:29:04 GMT

What have you tried in life that you just weren't very good at?

View 500 Answers

wkend updates

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 19:27:28 GMT

Fri : well on sat I did a massive laundry. washed 3 weeks wrth of laundry. Made egg mayo for mum and myself to eat. Then did a bit of studying and jogged a little before going to sleep. wanted to go church but couldnt deceide on the time

Sat: went to see doc queue was so long! when OG at chinatown and went to get some travel brocherus and went home to realise I din bring my keys!! and my phone was flat so I borrowed phone from my neighbour to call my dad asking him to come home quickly and embarrassingly sit and imposed on my neighbour (whom I dint talk to much) - they offered me drink and t.v to watch so I embarrassingly sat there for a good 45 mins until my dad is back

and I spent the whole evening /or part of it finding my passport ! I hvnt found it yet. GUess I got to apply for it on tues .

things I need to do -

1) find passport
2) email aunt Christine abt Australia stay and weather
3) check card bill and pay and internet bills
4) eat oil ctrl medicine
5) eat TCM medicine
6) apply for hsbc and dbs card
7)

and sun tml I am going to churh

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 19:20:34 GMT

I must learn to get my way w/o being bitchy , getting my way using wittiness , sincerity and cleverness and mst impt charm and sincerity

pissed

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 11:15:34 GMT

I just washed my washing and hung them up in the kitchen to dry. Tried to cook lunch/dinner but te microwave ended up drying up my 2 chicken wings. Must rem not to cook chickenwing for more then 6 mins. then dad has to come back to kitchen to cook dinner and do deep frying - the clothes are going to absorb the aroma of the food agn!!! I hae clothes with food smell!! and i din successfully get my lunch cos there is nothing in the fridge to cook and i ended up eating ( which i shouldnt eat) lots of prawns rolls left over from CNY. Now I am in the living room and the radio is blasting away with the stupiddddddd chinese love songs from the 70s. I hate them. and earlier on i wanted to go jogging but it was pouring rain. And i missed getting stuffs which i promised fr my mum. PISSED!!

Tired , mentally , physically and sick..

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 12:05:45 GMT

THe header sounds depressing ain it? But been having this irritating and perpetual cough that tickles" my throat at inappropriate time and make me cough incessantly. Been downing cough syrup again.

Sat went back to work to only confirm that the new &*(*(is a crazy person.

Anyways dun feel like staying at home but I am too sick and tired to go anywhere..

Checked my bank account and realised I din save that much..;(
Went through my studies and managed to finish one chapter ;)

Wanted to learn driving but need to spend money and need to commit time.

Wanna renovate the house a bit - need to spend money again..

wanna save up..

Tired..

Maybe I will go jogging later..I think I should learn to be active and build up my health

Nice bedroom

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:56:24 GMT

This is a page from the TRENDS magazine - southeast asia home and apartments volume 23 issue..
Look at the view outside the bedroom..wow!

The creative bug bit..

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:25:45 GMT

Went chinatown on sat and went loitering there and went into one of those beds shop.. bought some stones with some strings, suede tied strings and made sme necklae. Not very special and spectacular but at least it made me feel accomplished , useful..
I focused on buying those stones ..natural one , was tempted to buy some man made one but they are ex..abt 5 pr stone so din buy..

This was made with a teeth like pendent , like the pendent's baby blue color and I bought a matching color string .. was thinking of gifting it to my brother but I doubt he will wear anythin with baby blue

Another necklace made by me. The stone is aventurite..previously my mum had bought the silver holes cover(is tht wat u call it?) and I just used it and attached this pendent to an old necklace string previously bought ..

bought 2 of these shells (buy one get on free promotions) a I was vacillating between a black or brown string and chose brown I think it has a very complete and balanced theme. The brown suede string and the shell look so harmonious together! I decided to gift this to my friend whose bdae is in the later part of this feb ;) besides I think she will carry this color well as I see many of her clothes colors are brown and neutral and red?

The stone is colored quartz.a very common mineral stone..I attached 2 transparent white crystal at the bottem. I wanted my mum to help sell this necklace to those stone and gems fanatics she knew but she commented that my necklace looks very ordinary..well , maybe..

I also bought a rose quartz and an amethyst but I have not use them yet Its funny i have to plan /fate for all those necklace I have made..if I dun have a plan for any stones I will not make them. Its weird..has Practicality influenced my creativity ? And I prided myself being a free and daring advocate for non utilitarian art..and my art have become conformistic.. seldom avant garde ..but all the while I have been trying to get pplp to like and worship my art..I even draw hoping pple will like my art.. maybe this is a telling sign of how conscieous I am of how others thought of me, no longer am I going to unconscieously, subtly , give others the power of (u know) their thots of me and how if they like me..

review on social activites listed on10th feb

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:09:14 GMT

1) bake a cake -- at a friend's house
2) go new year visiting
3) go pick up a guy from a pub
4) meet John and get on with career planning
5) bangkok trip
6) meet fren's fren
7) go join a church group - city harvest?
8) go hiking - sj group
9) go dancing - together with sth u just know
10) go batam do volunteer work
11) go visit Russia frens/ colleagues
12) go H.K to see
13) go speed dating
14) join silky terrier club
15) make frens w vet
16) join other grps for dnr
17) join other grps for activities

I have done 2) 4-(in process) 5- (getting my passport renewed) 10- (in process) 12 - considering 13 - (considering) 7 - (must wake up early!)

so I have done 2 and 5 actually - that is 2/17 do to list that is 11% complete . Bad ! I must jia you! ;)

yan's palace

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:52:57 GMT

Tdy went Yan's palace to eat with my frens.Opp Chinasqare and after hong im complex , near the hdb and shop houses where there are lots of chinese herbal shops. Just walk out of chinatown mrt station and turn to the direction of lots of shop houses, keep walking straight , dun cross the road, go to hdb and then see china square and cross st , then Yan's palace. THey have dim sum until 2 pm.price is reasonable. My frens commented that the cha shao is excellent. I personally LOVE the fried ball with lychee and mango inside.(what is the formal name called?) Its so fragrant and tastes heavenly! The decor of the restaurant , albeit a bit "uncle and aunty" its still tastefully and elegantly designed.. better tha hong xing and zing fu ying cha..;)
I checked with my fren tat the cuisine here is not totally cantonese cos they have other things like dumplings from other dialect groups..not sure abt wat other signature cuisine is cantonese..

lunch and dinner after 2 pm is expensive, I heard..they even have a ktv room. Per room is 500 sgd for booking..not sure if thi price includes what types of drinks can sits how man pplp..

next place to explore is lao beijing
and yam cha ( this is more , total cantonese )

social

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 18:00:39 GMT

http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife.html

1) bake a cake -- at a friend's house
2) go new year visiting
3) go pick up a guy from a pub
4) meet John and get on with career planning
5) bangkok trip
6) meet fren's fren
7) go join a church group - city harvest?
8) go hiking - sj group
9) go dancing - together with sth u just know
10) go batam do volunteer work
11) go visit Russia frens/ colleagues
12) go H.K to see
13) go speed dating
14) join silky terrier club
15) make frens w vet
16) join other grps for dnr
17) join other grps for activities

Be the balanced gal that u are - but dont give ur power to anyone but u
must not take things personally

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:53:47 GMT

Geninue True love doesnt need to hurt so much.

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 17:50:25 GMT

I know I have intensity .. I need to reduce my intensity by ten ,10 xs..I need to channel it to the correct way. otherwise I will be scaring people off with my man like behaviour

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 17:30:08 GMT

wierd that I am doing a 2007 look back when we are half way into the first month of 2008. Anyway 2007 is a great year. One that I would never forget and with 2007 (been through the highs and euphoria of a wonderful job switch , took my initative and knew one of the greated person who guided me out of my darkest time, attend the most weddings- to date , and fallen in love (been protecting my heart carefully all these years) with someone who touched my soul but it wasnt reciprocal and it hurts -God it hurts damn bad and this opens up old wounds that forced me to look at myself and those issues again and fresh directions in life.) , thankful that I am working with the brightest and wonderful people in m work. i will mark the start of mny mor wonderful years to come.

I will be interesting. But this time around .. Geninuely
I have grown . Growing is painful when you realised you have to do it ad you have been hiding from it. Growing is wonderful too. Like I say ..

I will be interesting. But this time around .. Geninuely

I used to think- my inspirations are batteries to my soul, my energy to life, yet my emotions and obilgations pulls me to the ground , makes me fall and bleed , even in love and that makes me human and reminds me to connect to the ones around me. It reminds me that I am human and I should care. Can I fly with caring? I think I can, I think and believe I will grow and I will stop hurting the people around me. Can I fly with reality? I think I can.. I will make my dreams a reality, no matter how painful, how difficult. I will inspire people , make dreams come true and perserve and I will relish and enjoy every bit and taste in life, the taste , the touches, the smiles and jokes of other people, the smell , the temperature , their chemistry and their dreams..and I will realise that I AM there with them and I am not alone..

I will be human and participate in life too but this time I have awaken , I have choices and I am conscious..

I will grow and stretch myself in all ways ,geninuely learning , being humble? geninuely willing to find out about other people and learning

from now on..i am not going to grieve, yes I have been grieving for a long time. And I thought that is sadness. A normal person will be sad some time, depress for sometime and perphas grieve only once a life time for a short period of time. I thought I was being upset, no , I was grieving. From now on, I will minus by a factor of 20 the level of sadness I will have so that when I am sad I am just sad like a normal person. I will align my emotional scale to be the same as other people.

Like wht John says,from now he is going to do only those things he had not done before.

Everyday , I m going to do things or one thing) that I do not like or feel like doing. I will do the opposite and do the contra. ;)

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 13:54:30 GMT

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 13:49:16 GMT

First impressions and future impressions are impt

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:32:51 GMT

First impressions and future impressions are impt

Other things are impt too

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:30:15 GMT

Ever since he bumpd into my life I became to think that other things are not impt anymore or as grey an area..like evrything else went grey. But not anymore. Other things re also IMPT LIke my family , collg , work , career , interest , even dating. etc

Tdy the other team just threw sth for me to do so angry where they havent even ans my qn. And my BL is becoming more. Need to work faster and smarter. Tdy I din even sut dwn my app when i go home. Just log off and shut dwn the c..makes no sense to re-on 20+ applications daily. Need to learn my analyst course too. Must wake up and make time for it. Must make time for gym too. Need to book my facial and xmas shopping too. Plus I hvnt gotten down to arrange time to tok to my dad too. I must learn to smile and also completemy course w John. I wondered what would John say if hvnt taken actions w that bloke but I think its healthier for me to get my life in balance first.
keep remining myself that sun got a wedding to attend. sat watching movie with fren. and meetin up w frens during my block leave. Need to kickstart the tuition w my tuition kid and arrange proper lessons. Need to make appt w beautician on sat too.

Need to play w my dog and get him to the groomer too.
Need to help y brother in his exchange trip.
Need to learn to cook my lunch

Need to learn to sleep early.
Need to reclaim myself back and meet new people

Its funny,,

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 16:34:59 GMT

Its really funny,
what u said is exaclty what my dad say when he advise me to seek the significant other
word for word
besides that I felt a closeness to you I never felt before, can we term that as soulmates?
We are very alike, each with somethings we will never want to expose to each other
I am a female manifesation of you and you a male manfestion of me
but i think I am a little tiny bt more wild and bad tempered than you. But I have better emotional disclipline than you, or is it cosi am afraid to live my life to the full and taking wat ever it has to offer?
But I am more playful , on my own terms , I play my games in my mind. You played it in the real world, you even played it on me.
Its wierd.. really weird

Ah i remembered , you can get quite pissed when i dont remember certain details.

That day i get soaked in your world, I see your inner heart - but do you know what I am falling for is not your capability? I am falling for you, your vulnerable side and everything that is you. And that scared me. It makes me feel happy yet scared and now painful.
Yet I feel you are slipping from my fingers
I will never have the opportunity to tell you ever how I feel.

I had packed my day with activites, learning and with happy things but why am I not smiling and looking vibrant?
On good day, when i dun feel anything ,my heart is frozen in an ice cube, not able to feel but at least it is not aching. I thought I can have a good night's sleep but why is it that I am waking up with tears that I cant stop?
Why is it that today when I have a pretty good day shopping , doing and learning my stuff when I felt again and again the dull pain like I have lost a part of my body or have lost something very very precious.

I really want to know what will be our ending if we chose to be together..

Yet I do not know if I should thank you or hate you for crossing the boundary. You rekindled my love that lies dormant. You let me know what lovng someone is like, what is losing someone to factors you cannot control, the wretchness and pain of regret for something you cant change. I wondered if you are feeling the same. Perphas I should thank you cos otherwise I will be happy but never tasted love and be enriched and learned to be happy by choice. I was always very happy spontaneously. One day I will get over you be be happy again but this experience has enriched me and made me a little , you know..I tried "throwing you" out of my mind mentally so I can revert to being the old me but do you know how hard is that?

Do you know that last time I even tried to picture how and what you think so that I can learn from your good values , but I am also partly doing so so that I can feel like "I am keeping you with me " or it feels like you are by my side and I can know you better but do you know that it hurts me emotionally and mentally even more by doing so?

I really wondered what you are doing and feeling now. I once read a book saying guys took a longer time to heal and they are more hurt in breakups. Its bullshit. Gals hurt more. Or more accurately speaking, you are never hurt cos you have never liked me

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:50:31 GMT

reverting to my original (good ) self where i am enuthsatic abt things , not sad or negative and generally happy abt everything. JUst a tiny bit diffrerent from b4 , esp strength of character and knowing wat i want, respect, fear of God, just a little different fr b4, but yet a happy me.

Gym Buddy

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 03:35:31 GMT

Yeah, I got my gym buddy who just got her trial 1 mth membership at my gym.. sb whom i can go gym with every saturday.motivation to go gym and keep fit now ;) . Treadmills, weight lifts..yogas..here i come ..